nostalgia

1/02/2010

i really miss my home.
i haven't called it home in a really long time.

when i was in texcoco, i saw how many memories my parents had of that place. i have hardly any.

i started thinking about my home & memories of faces and summers and church vans started flooding my brain.

i haven't said i miss my old life in a really long time, but,

i miss my old life.

granted, most of my "friends" used me 73% of the time, but they were still people i loved with all my heart.

i miss the way i used to think, i can barely remember it... but i think i miss it. it's hard to remember what my personality used to be like. i think i was really shy for most of my life.

i miss the songs & the dirt.

it's really weird to process memories that i've tried to blot out for so long.

12/22/2009

this feels like an even bigger mountain to conquer than the last.

but man, im ready for to be on the other side.

i don't mean to be redundant with this song, but it has been a continuous prayer in my life for the past six months.

this is my prayer in the battle
when triumph is still on it's way;
i am a conqueror and co heir with Christ
so firm on His promise i'll stand.

praise Him for the victory He has already given me in this area of my life.

[currently]

12/16/2009

• wishing i could be in some foggy mountains. [as usual]
• watching project runway, season 2 i think [the one with jeffrey, uli, & michael]
• watching sofi, she's fussy. & i hope she takes a nap.
  
• craving dove dark chocolate : )
• not wanting to go watch more kids tonight.
  
• wanting to read the tolstoy novel that's waiting for me
• a nap would be perfect right now... preferable by a fire, in a cabin, in north carolina mts.
  

home.

12/15/2009

so, the semester is finally over. actually it was over like a week ago... but i just now remembered that i had a blog.
it feels so odd to be able to sleep peacefully without a paper to weigh me down.

i'll do a class recap i guess [ because i have time & energy! ]

drawing 2:
i'll begin with this one, because it sucked.
it was not what i expected at allllllllll. i think i knew that it was gonna be sorta tough, & it wasn't tough that i couldn't deal with... it was ms. lee.
ohhhhh dear that lady. i'm pretty sure she disliked me. & i'm pretty sure i disliked her [ on some days ].
instead of it being a relaxing mechanism, this class turned into a psychotic amount of stress.

biology:
so, the first half, we had dr. sellers as our teacher.
he is super nice guy, but let's face it, he is no teacher... he is a chiropractor.
the second half of the class was much better, partially because the teacher [ dr. v ] didn't spend 45 minutes trying to figure out the projector. also, dr. v was an excellent teacher, & even though it was an 8 o'clock class, i actually learned stuff!
AND.... i got an A on the final & a B in the class : )

american lit. 2:
another disappointing class.
the content was pretty good, but it was the time slot that KILLED that class for me. 1:40, right after lunch [ aka, my nap time ]
seriously, i would sit in that class & pray that i wouldn't fall asleep.
also, dr. bruce kinda stressed me out [ this is weird because he is one of my favorite teachers ]. Again, it was probably the time that made me grumpy & bitter towards him.

PTRW:
the very first class, dr. rankin walks in & says, " Welcome to ptrw, the worst semester of your life. "
holy crap was the man right!!
don't get me wrong, dr. rankin is an excellent teacher & i really did learn a lot in this class, but DANG it was tough.
the class consisted of two main papers [ each with three submissions ], 3 grammar proficiency exams [ maybe the worst part of the class? ], & two "normal" tests.

the papers were tough because it was a lot of writing and even more research and even more proofreading [ & re-proofreading ]. also, dr rankin is a super tough grader....

the grammar tests were basically death. never have i experienced such horrible grammar.

but, i ended up with a C, just what i needed to pass!!

lastly, intro to missions:
my favorite class, maybe so far in college.
dr. roe is awesome, & it was great to hear a different perspective on Christianity than EVERYONE else at NGU.

next semester... hermeneutics, principle & practice of missions, pe, jazz appreciation.

ANYWAYS.... reading list for the holidays:
Praying God's Word by Beth Moore-
Moore addresses 14 areas that she considers to be spiritual stongholds [ the definition of spiritual stongholds that she gives rocked my world ] & claims that our two most powerful weapons against strongholds are prayer & scripture. these two are even more powerful when put together. hence, praying God's word. she gives scripture for each stronghold addressed.

Tortured For Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
so, i barely started this one, so i don't know much about it. but i expect great things.

11/01/2009

it's very easy to give lip-service to the grace of God.
but once you need it your life, it's very difficult to accept it.

once you accept it, grace humbles you

sabiduria

8/02/2009

idealistic convictions are useless without wisdom.
what good do i accomplish if i act impulsively and mess something up? or if i let my life waste away without ever fulfilling any of my dreams?

Prov. 3:13
"Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gain understanding, for she [ wisdom, personified ] is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold."

monster

7/07/2009

it makes me feel numb.
sure, it sometimes takes care of the lows, but most of my highs are gone with it too...
i remember a time when this wasn't me.
i was rarely ever truly pissed.

sometimes, when it's clutches dig deep into my skin i lose control. i feel desperate and hopeless, but in reality i am not desperate and hopeless... that's not who i am. i know who i live for and in what my hope is set. but that ugliness clouds that reality.

in the beginning, it took care of the problem pretty well, but it was just a quick fix, and we all know that quick fixes are lies. a quick fix was the bait. i would have done anything in those days to get rid of a different ugly monster, so i accepted and i was hooked. everyone said it was ok, but i think they were all frightened by my emotions. of course i didn't know that this too would morph into something ugly and controlling.

two and a half years later, i wonder how i let it get this far. sometimes i start to think that this changed person is who i am now. but then i remember life before it all, and i know that it can still be me.

i have decided to tackle this monster full on.

it's gonna suck, but i will not let it take another year of my life, of who i am. my body is the temple of the Almighty, and i will not let it be controlled by the pharmaceutical companies. this is a battle, and my Saviour has promised triumph.

this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it's way, i am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise i'll stand.